Job Applicants

Job Applicants 1

Taxi Company Personnel Man: "You say you've never driven a car while sober?"

Applicant: "Yeah, that's a fact."

Personnel Man: "And you are willing to drive only in the middle of the street and just miss hitting the fenders of other cars when passing them?"

Applicant: "You got it straight, mister."

Personnel Man: "Fine! You're just the man to drive one of our company's taxicabs."

Joe Miller's Jests (1739)

[Joe Miller's Jests was a joke book originally published in London in 1739. Joe Miller, a famous comic actor who died in 1738, had nothing to do with its composition. The book's publisher simply used Miller's name to increase sales. The real author was a hack writer named John Mottley. Joe Miller's Jests became such a hit that its title was perpetuated by several other joke books published during the next two centuries. As a result a "Joe Miller" has come to mean an exceedingly stale joke.]

Joe Miller's Jests 1

An Hackney-Coachman, who was just set up, had heard that the Lawyers used to club their Three-Pence a-piece, four of them, to go to Westminster, and being call'd by a Lawyer at Temple-Bar, who, with two others in their Gowns, got into his Coach, he was bid to drive to Westminster-Hall; but the Coachman still holding his Door open, as if he waited for more Company; one of the Gentlemen asked him, why he did not shut the Door and go on, the Fellow, scratching his Head, cry'd you know, Master, my Fare's a Shilling, I can't go for Nine-Pence.

Joe Miller's Jests 2

Swan, the famous Punster of Cambridge, being a Nonjuror, upon which account he had lost his Fellowship, as he was going along the Strand, in the beginning of King William's Reign, on a very rainy Day, a Hackney-Coachman called to him, Sir, won't you please to take Coach, it rains hard: Ay, Friend, said he, but this is no Reign for me to take Coach in.

Joe Miller's Jests 3

A Westminster Justice taking Coach in the City, and being set down at Young Man's Coffee-house, Charing-Cross, the Driver demanded Eighteen-Pence as his Fare; the Justice asked him, if he would swear that the Ground came to the Money; the Man said, he would take his Oath on't. The Justice replyed, Friend, I am a Magistrate, and pulling a Book out of his Pocket, administer'd the Oath, and then gave the Fellow Six-pence, saying, he must reserve the Shilling to himself for the Affidavit.

Joe Miller's Jests 4

Bully Dawson was overturned in a Hackney-Coach once, pretty near his Lodgings, and being got on his Legs again, he said, 'Twas the greatest Piece of Providence that ever befel him, for it had saved him the Trouble of bilking the Coachman.

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Revised November 11, 1998